The Tragedy of Addiction

 

When tragedy strikes, I go into a state of reflection. You might not know it if you were to see me during those times; I am able to continue on with my daily activities and maintain my composure, but lately before I have an emotional response to anything, I have to mull it over. I was taught to do that; pause when agitated. If I didn’t do that, I could easily become a statistic.
Recently I lost a friend, which happens more often than I want it to in recovery. When I got the news, I immediately shut off all the valves that deliver hysteria and sadness so I could allow it to penetrate- I didn’t want to make it be about me, and about how I felt. This is a new response for me; it wasn’t like this before. In my old way of being, I would get that first emotional hijacking and I would run with it, dive into it and milk it for all its worth. This time, like the past four or five friends who died from their addiction, I allowed the truth of his passing to slowly enter my consciousness.

One of the first things I thought about were the handful of people I knew who have passed in the past year from the disease of addiction. The one who used to call me when she couldn’t reach her own sponsor- sweet girl, big brown eyes, maybe 30 years old, who always wore yoga pants and fought with her boyfriend. Or another friend, a vivacious blonde, maybe 35- very spiritual and always a delight, always smiling.  The guy who designed clothing who fell out of his loft window while drunk- such a character he was.  The big guy, such a friendly person, so interesting to talk to about quantum physics, a gentle giant. And now this friend, who was one of the funniest people I ever met, who wanted us to go paint balling in a group when the weather cooled down- I think of them all sitting together, the conversation they would have, how much they would like each other, how much I personally would enjoy to be sitting with all of them, together, talking.

All of these people were young, fascinating, smart, attractive, nice to others, full of life, and well liked for all of those reasons. When they died, they left a hole in the lives of many, many people. Just these few people left hundreds of people devastated in the wake of their untimely deaths. This should give a face to the epidemic of alcoholism and addiction.

I speak of these things not to be morbid, but to remind myself and others how powerful the disease of addiction truly is. There are many who picture addicts as being dirty people, living on the street, or standing on corners (thanks to the media’s depiction) and often don’t realize that addicts manage to walk through the world almost without detection, often times. We learn how to function and act the part. My point is, this tragedy is in everyone’s backyard these days. For every addict or alcoholic, there are dozens of people who are affected- parents, siblings, spouses, children, friends, family, co-workers, employers. The problem of addiction isn’t just a problem for the addict, and its why education is so very important. People need to be aware of the signs and behaviors of addiction so they can help an addict or alcoholic who is hiding their disease.

 

I also think about the time I was in a meeting and the speaker said- “Not to be morbid, but in the next year, at least one, if not more, of you will be dead from this disease. One or more of you will lose your life to get high. One or more of you will pick up a bottle or a needle or a straw and not realize that it will be one of the last things you ever do.”  Man, that really got to me. He was right; the longer I am sober, the more I see it happen. The stakes are very high, and there is no room for complacency. I hate to see people die from this. Its such a pointless way to go. When I finally let the truth of my friend’s passing hit the core of me, the senselessness of it was the thing I couldn’t bear. I think about how he had no idea that morning that he would be in the ground less than 4 days later, not even 25 years old. This is a hard truth to live with, that the disease is in the way we think, and even knowing the odds, we still are compelled with a force and a craving that is beyond reason, to pick up that substance, our drug of choice. We need help. Thankfully, there is plenty to be had. I am so very grateful that I am above ground today, that I am sober today, and that I can be part of that help today.

God bless those that didn’t make it, and those that won’t, and those that will by the skin of their teeth. God bless us, every one.