SIGNS

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I write often about the element of play, and the importance of keeping the spirit of rambunctiousness as an integral part of recovery.

I continue to write about it primarily because it remains so pivotal, and yet easily lost in the seriousness of sobriety. And sobriety aside, life is challenging no matter what else you might have going on.

Like any challenge, the experience one has is based on the spirit of the the endeavor. It’s fairly textbook, and we all know this: You can look at a mountain and say, “I have to climb that?” Or you can look at the mountain and say, “I get to climb that!” We all know this; most people in recovery will espouse this, but when it comes to living, breathing, being an example of this doctrine, we all find life grabbing us by the short and curlies at times. We get emotionally hijacked. We feel victimized by circumstances beyond our control. And that whole mantra and way of being we all aspire to goes directly out the window.

It happens. We are human, after all; what we do is err. But we get to learn from our erring ways, and hopefully we do. Recently I found myself clenching my emotional fists, for weeks, I was white knuckling it. My mind was curled into a tight ball and very little light was getting in. One gets used to this posture, and, like our Moms used to tell us when we crossed our eyes and made faces, “If you aren’t careful, your face will freeze and stay like that!” Sometimes, so does that attitude.

Thankfully we have the option of getting out of it before we become frozen and narrow minded, but we still need to be mindful. We become brittle and frozen when we do not exercise our emotional flexibility. Playfulness is exactly the thing that keeps us supple and vibrant.

As I said, I had a couple of weeks recently where my life circumstances had changed, and my schedule became more hectic, including the addition of two hours of driving to my already busy day. I had discovered I owed the IRS a huge amount of money. I had a list of grievances. I was feeling sorry for myself. I was … crunchy. And then I saw a sign. Literally.

I was driving to work after dropping my daughter off at school, still getting used to the new routine, when I whipped by one of the many construction signs that one can’t miss, as construction in Los Angeles is happening everywhere all the time, and always on the route you most want to go. It’s absurd, really.

This sign, however, said, “World Peace.” Then it said, “Make people laugh.” Then it switched to, “One smile at a time.” Finally it read, “Also, construction.”

I couldn’t really believe it the first time I saw it. I was driving and there was no one to turn to and say, “Hey! Did you see that?” But even so, it had an immediate effect. My outlook changed. It became lighter, because someone had taken the spirit of playfulness to another level, and because I needed a sign and I got one. I was infected by it.
All it took was a little boost, and I got my bounce back. I don’t ever want to go flat, lose my humor, and value victimhood over freedom. All bondage is of our own creation. It’s just how we see it.

I love that someone changed the sign to read something fun and thoughtful. Its the spirit of the person who did that which infected me more than the sign itself — that someone found it important enough to stop and play with all the people who would drive by that sign and see it — honoring that impulse, as it were- is what really inspires me.

How liberating is that? To step outside of the demands of life and just goof around with others? How much fun must that have been for that person?

And lest I forget, my Higher Power will make sure to remind me, and I love that. I count on it, and I am never let down.