Stay connected!

 

Even in sobriety, we have those days. You know those days- the ones where you got to bed, sooooo grateful that its over.

But in all reality, “those days” are rooted in expectation. A presence of expectation is a lack of acceptance. Somehow, I got it in my head that the day was supposed to be different. Better. More to my liking.
I would, spiritually speaking, prefer to have a brutal day with lots of growth than a pleasant day with none. For me, the name of the game is growth. Sobriety affords me that option, and it is the only option that interests me. I don’t want to be distracted until its my time to take the ol’ dirt nap. I want my life to matter, and the only way it matters is to be something for others. And to have the strength of character to be strong for others comes from experience- and not the experience of bubble baths and manicures. As great as a manicure might be, if I had a day and that was the only event that happened, for me it would be an unsuccessful day. I forget this, in the middle of a hellacious day, but it is one of those truths that I know, deep down. Experiences like being laid off, or having to get food stamps,  getting divorced, getting sober- all these bear fruit for others, and as such, they were totally worth going through. But still…

I have been having those days in spades lately. Why? Well, I quit smoking, for one, and it seems to be all my monkey mind can fixate on. But I am in acceptance of that, because it is part of the process, and I work on being gentle with the fact that right now, I am in a detox mode and some things are going to have to wait. I also have had less time to go to meetings, since I work full time and have my kids full time. I am happy that I have both, but the shortage of meetings is felt. Its a slippery slope if I don’t check back in and get recharged- I can see how people would start looking elsewhere for the charge they would otherwise have gotten from a meeting, or being of service. I totally get it. Without cigarettes and meetings, I am dry. Its little wonder I am cursing at drivers, and looking to destroy stuff. Relationships, work, doesn’t matter, I want to f*ck shit up. The good news is- I don’t. I am, at the very least, practicing restraint of pen and tongue. But it won’t last much longer if I don’t maintain my sobriety and work at it every day.

This is mostly me blowing the whistle on myself, and also a shout out to others who might be skating by on too few meetings and white knuckles. STOP IT! We have to stay connected to the circle of recovery, to our tribe. Its like they say, one little stick alone is breakable, fragile. But a bundle of sticks is impossible to break. We don’t do well roaming around on our own, even if we have good reason for it. All of a sudden, a xanax sounds like a good idea. We have a thought- “Oh, maybe I am not an alcoholic…” All kinds of brilliant ideas present themselves, all dressed up and flashing like neon signs in the dark corners of our minds…its no good, I tell ya. We need our people, we need each other. Its how this thing works.
Stay connected!