Memento Mori

A memento mori (Latin 'remember that you will die'^[2]) is an artistic or symbolic reminder of the inevitability of death.<sup>[2]



There are some who would accuse me of having a rather morbid curiosity. That, however, entirely depends on your perspective, and if you possessed mine, you wouldn't think so.

I have always had a natural interest in bugs, and bones, and skulls, and diagrams of human anatomy. I often think humans walk around in this world full of wonder and don't stop to think about what lies underneath the surface, making it all work. Like a car aficionado looking under the hood of an amazing car, marveling at the mechanics of it all. That's what I do- I marvel. At the mechanics. Of it all.

There are obvious overtones of the temporary nature of reality in the objects of my interest. One can't really see skulls and heart x rays without considering that it all ends one day. And that is not at all a bad thing to be reminded of- these things are momento mori; they exist not to scare, but serve to prod one into a wakeful state. (Although for many, said wakeful awareness is a frightening proposition to consider, and that is a very sad truth and the basis for a lot of the suffering in the world.)</sup>

 

 

These things don't freak me out. They remind me to get busy living. They allow me to see that there is much under the surface that we take for granted- and this not only literal but metaphorical.

 

Last week I found a sweet little hummingbird's body lying in the courtyard. I went to bury him, but when I saw ants scouting around where I had dug the hole, I decided not to bury him at all, but to let the ants do what ants do naturally. This week, I went back to see. I guess part of me was also hoping there would be a cool skeleton left, but that wasn't the motivating force behind my not burying him. It was the motivating force of my going back to check. And indeed, there was a perfect little hummingbird skeleton and skull, completely picked clean. The tiny rib cage looked like it was made from strands if spider web silk, with the tiny feathers still on the tips of the wings. I was afraid to touch it, it seemed so delicate. But the skull- wow. For someone like me who is fascinated with skulls, this was a like finding gold.

 

 

The last skull I found was on a beach in Bali. I was walking with my friend on a black sand beach, recounting how the last time I had been on a black sand beach, the ocean had tossed a mongoose skull right in front of me. It was in Hawaii, in the early 90s,  and I had wanted to take some lava home, but there was a superstition about the blood of Pele leaving the island, and I didn't want to piss her off. So I said, out loud, "I want to take something special from this place to keep with me!" And like an answer, the skull drifted on the incoming wave and right in front of my foot.

 

So I am telling my friend about this, as we sauntered up the black sand beaches of Lovina in Bali two years ago, when a very unlikely thing happened. A skull. Drifted in the from the ocean. In front of my feet.

 

I don't know about you, but that experience freaked me out in a good way. It was like having direct contact with The Mystery. But then again, that is what life is, underneath it all, under all the fabrications and illusions, the distorted perceptions and the barrage of images and ideas in the media. Under the surface of it all, the mechanics are so beautifully engineered, so intensely perfect. And to be privy to that is a gift I give myself.

 

Speaking of Memento Mori- here is a website which allows you to build a profile for your loved ones in the event of your death- things you want to say, to be remembered for, instructions for your funeral, or to say sorry, or to confess, or whatever. Kind of cool, just in case you wonder about this sort of thing. Weird Memento Mori website for your greiving loved ones

 

 

 

Ego, the Ultimate Chess Game

From the film Revolver, a really great film about the Ego, and who is really in control. The Ego, "the opponent' as it is called in Kabbalah (This film was by Guy Ritchie, who is very active in Kabbalah), is the true master of most, and the elegance of the whole charade is that we don't even know it. The only way to master the Ego is to understand it as separate, to learn to make the distinction when it lies to you inside your own head and know that you are not those thoughts. You have the ability to not honor what it says. Often, doing what is uncomfortable is the way to free oneself from the slavery of the Ego- it never wants to be uncomfortable.

 

Watch this. If you haven't seen Revolver, I highly recommend it.

 

Ego, the Ultimate Chess Game

 

 

The Ego Introduces Itself to Jake- Jake Versus Ego

This scene is one of the most intense I have ever scene. For anyone who understands that without making this distinction, this scene will have a great impact.

 

 

 

 the end of that scene, too, is brilliant. This character of Ray Liotta,  which epitomizes all our manufactured reality, all that we project as having value that intrinsically doesn't, crumbles in the face of Jake's new found state of grace.

 

 

Balance

Today I got in my car like I have every day for the past three years, wishing my speaker on the left driver door worked, lamenting the lack of balance in my musical experience. I am one of those who listens to their music maybe a tad louder than I should when driving- rendering the imbalance impossible to ignore. So, like many things in life one can't fix, but also can't ignore, one learns to live with it. I learned to live with it.

I wonder how many things we learn to live with, that we become accustomed to in ways that diminish our awareness. I recall talking to someone about learning to live in dysfunction. I likened it to a place I worked at several years ago- it was so incredibly dysfunctional (it was the fashion design business) that, as I cut my teeth and moved up the ladder to become an executive, I learned it in a dysfunctional way. I did really well, and made more money than I ever made since- but after I left that company, I didn't realize how I had acclimated to the dysfunction- I knew how to work inside of that, but in a fully functioning company with certain widely accepted standards of practice- I had to struggle.

Or- I recall once when my 12 string guitar went out of tune- I had no idea how to tune it. So I made up some really great songs while it was in its out-of-tune-but-dissonant-in- a-cool-way state, ones that I can still hear in my head today, but can't for the life of me duplicate. Because when the guitar was tuned, the songs were gone. They relied on its state of dysfunction to exist.

How often have I done that, I wonder? How often have you? Its probably an age old dilemma, but I like to untangle a knot that binds me to any outdated concept, and this is no exception.

Back to today, my car, the speakers. I often adjust the bass in my music because too much bass makes the passenger side speakers shake, being the ones from which the majority of the sound comes out- the left ones work, but just barely. I was scrolling through the adjustment settings when I decided to try one I somehow had not noticed in the three years I have owned my car. One that said 'balance'. Suddenly, there was equal music coming from both sides of my car and I was sitting suddenly in a surround sound vehicle, and I discovered I actually have an amazing sound system in my car. I had no idea!!

And life is like that. The solution to a dilemma is often right in front of our faces but we just somehow don't see it. Attention and awareness requires that we slow down, and sometimes follow a hunch, or try something we never have before. Or stop and realize that we might not be seeing something that is within reach. If I did that with every dilemma, just trusted that the solution was close at hand and I should just pause and pay attention, I have a feeling some parts of my life would go a bit more smoothly.